Pushing Through It

Days like today kill me. They should be motivating, but I have a hard time seeing past the perceived “blah” of it all.

It’s been about 4 weeks since my last weigh-in/measurement session, and while I have seen results, I am feeling less than excited about them. I shouldn’t be. I should be thrilled. I should be proud that I am seeing a positive change. I should be reminding myself that it took a long time to put on the extra fat I am trying to work off and that it’s not just going to melt away in a month. I should, but I’m not.

Instead I’m focusing on the fact that my skin-fold for my illiac crest (waist) didn’t budge AT ALL. And that I’ve been feeling bloated for the last few days, so that every meal I eat makes me feel like I’ve eaten too much, even if I haven’t. And that my jeans are so loose they need a belt some days, and other days they feel super tight, so I feel like I’m not making any progress. AHHH! All this negative self talk is going to kill me.

Just give me a moment here to wallow in my self pity, so I can work on focusing on what’s positive.

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Okay, that’s enough getting down on myself. I mean, how can I be motivating for YOU, if I can’t be motivating for me?

I am working HARD, dammit! I go to the gym AT LEAST 4 days a week. Could I do more? Yes. I can stop making excuses and go 6 days a week. I can stop being lazy on the weekends and make dinner at home. I can pay closer attention to what I am eating and start writing it down just to be a bit more accountable to myself. I can stop being lazy at night and take in that last “meal” of protein in the evening, to give my tired muscles something to work with while they spend the night recovering. I can continue to go for a quick run when I get home from the gym like I did last night, to give myself that extra calorie burn. And I can do a cleanse/detox to get me going on the right track with my diet, and leave the 20 times we ate out last month (yeah, the Take Out Token program bombed last month, but it’s a new month!!!) in the dust.

Here are my updated stats with the change since 1/31 (updated stats also available on the Stats page).

		CHANGE			CHANGE
WEIGHT:	178	-0.60lbs	BF%:	32.30%	-0.83%
LEAN MASS:	120.51	+1.07lbs	FAT MASS:	57.49	-1.67lbs
CHEST	41.25″	-0.75″	NAT. WAIST	34.75	-0.25″
WAIST	40.25″	-1.25″	HIPS	43.75″	no change
THIGH	21.5″	+0.50″	CALF	15.75″	-0.25″

 

Pretty much everything changed, and for the better. But it’s hard to look at the amount of change in comparison to the previous month and not be a bit disappointed – in myself. If you really look closely at what I did in January compared to what I did in February, the sentiment that getting fit is 80% diet really rings true. Eat out too many times, make too many poor diet choices, and it adds up. And what it adds up to, is countering the hard work you are doing in the gym. I may be getting stronger, but I’m not getting skinnier. And though I know it’s not all about being skinny, that is definitely one of my goals. I’m never going to be tiny, but I can still aspire to look like I belong in a bikini!

Last year when I followed my nutrition plan to a “T” and worked out less, I lost 6.56% body fat in the first two months. It’s taken me two months just to get back to where I started last year. And if you’re comparing apples to apples, this year so far is oranges because I am not being strict enough with sticking to my nutrition plan. It’s not a diet, but it’s clear that I still haven’t learned the important lesson of moderation, otherwise I would only be occasionally enjoying something delectable and not wasting calories on food I’m not even enjoying that much just so I don’t have to cook dinner.

So it’s time to knuckle down. I am going to be starting a cleanse & detox on Sunday (more on that in another post) so kick start myself back on track with my nutrition plan. I have the Survivor Mud Run on Saturday, kickboxing at Kosama tomorrow (it’s not too late to get the cheap $29 Living Social Deal, OR you can sign up for the next 8-week challenge starting on 4/1 and tell them I sent you), and my anniversary is just under 4 weeks away. If I really push myself, I might actually be able to wear the dress I wore last year. And of course my family-challenge goal of 24% body fat by May 17th is seriously looming…

In the meantime, can someone loom over my shoulder every time I get the impulse to make a terrible food decision and remind me of the following, because what I want most is worth so much more than what I want right now. And P.S. – thanks for reading my rant.